I must be getting better, mentally anyway. I realized the other day that I am burning candles again and that is something I haven't done in, oh golly well maybe 3 to 4 yrs or so. I feel that I am smiling more and laughing and acting silly more with the kids. Even my councilor thinks so too. She suggested to me that we go from meeting every 2 weeks to once a month. I feel that I am really opening up with her more about things. Todays confessions was that I have a hard time letting people in and letting people see me and all my pros and cons. In the past I would open up to folks and they say things that makes me feel that my issues are petty and not really all that big. So the next time someone opens up to you about things of their life that is important to them, keep that in mind. Its important to them and don't make them feel that their problems are not worth sharing cause then you just may loose a friend. I confess that is what has happened to me I'm sure looking back lots of times. Same thing goes for the way someone parents their children and how they run their house.

Now that I have gotten this far I do not want to back slide . . . so when I open up to you about something that I find troubling or how I run my house or how I parent my kiddos please take it and be supportive and do not make me feel like I am being petty with stuff. This is my life and if you don't like it than smile and walk away before you say something bad.

Now that Christmas is nothing more than a memory and New Years is done and we are all back to school or work. I am back to work in 3 weeks. I survived back to back sinus infections that triggered lots of migraines. It became a nasty cycle of sorts. My sinus would act up that triggered the migraine. I couldn't take my migraine meds cause I couldn't eat, which would make the head ache worse. So before I would be able to take meds for the sinus's I would have to get my migraines under control and I couldn't do that till I got my stomach under control. Like I said a nasty cycle. Now I have later on this month an appointment for an ENT Dr. Looks like this is going to be another year of doctors, good times!! Good times!! My fear is that the ENT Dr is going to want to drill my sinus's and I so do not want that. I saw what Jim's Dad and older sister went through and I do not want that for myself.

Well I am still seeing a councilor and I think we are figuring out what I need to do to make things better. I like this Dr. She is nice and not stirring me down some weird roads of various religions. I still am a little guarded on my issues but I am learning to open up more and more, even with the Dr.

Jim is busy, very very busy. We got hit with a nasty winter storm with a deep freeze. The kids and I didn't leave home for 4 days. I did do a run on the first day in the morning before things got nasty to make sure we have enough stuff and we didn't run out of things. That was nice!! Some folks lost power do to the bitter biting cold. Thankfully we didn't. But if we did we have a fire place that we could use for heat and I would have learned to use for cooking. I am glad and thankful that we not only didn't loose power but our water pipes didn't freeze and burst during the thawing process. God protected us again. Thank you Lord.

A local store was doing a special sale program. For every $10 you spent you would get a stamp and for so many stamps you could get some place settings. I found out that some one I knew was collecting these stamps to turn in and give the dishes to a refugee family in her church. With the stamps I gave she was able to collect just over 30 pieces. I wish I knew about it sooner and who knows how much more she could of gotten only cause at the beginning of the sale I was turning away the stamps. I figured I have plenty of dishes and didn't need any more and so I would say give them to some one else. Oh well whats done is done. Well mount laundry is calling and I want to get it done before the weekend . . . Lord willing. So good night and do something nice for some one else and thank God for the ability to be able to do that act of kindness and sit back and watch the blessing come back to you.

Well Christmas is past and now it's time for clean up and putting things away. I do believe we all got what we wanted and wished for. God has blessed us with another memorable holiday.

I have my second counciling session tomorrow and boy do I have lots to share. See along with the good parts of a family gathering you will have bad/drama. Comments were made that just felt like a knife in the heart. A total mood changer. Well I guess that's family.

Well on that note have a blessed day!

Well we are ending Christmas Eve Eve and we have a day of lots of fun and no work, well at least out side of the house any way. I was able to make 6 pints of sweet beets and now the kids are tucked in as they wanted to 'camp' out in the living room.

I finally got over my back to back sinus infection and just in time too. I fear that Christmas will be interesting as both my sister is down with the flu and my Mom in Law is battling her own cold yuckies. My brother made it up safe and sound, just wish his hunny was able to make it. Next time.

I am having more good days than bad but I still have my moments when I realize how much little help we had during our rough patch in life. I also find it shocking that when you bring up to certain people how they were very little to no help they just say well when I have a hard time I didn't have help so basically suck it up and deal it with it. The people that tell me this are people that should or at least I feel should be there for me without having to drop hints.

Ok enough of that. Its Christmas and I am so very thankful that I have a house, a wonderful husband and 2 healthy children. I am thankful that Jim has such a wonderful job that we were able to come back from hard times. I am thankful for prayers from loved ones. But most of all I am thankful for Christ's birth for the sole purpose so I can live forever in heaven with him. Something that I am so not worthy of being able to do but he loved me/us so much that he went from being immortal royalty to poor mortal just to die for all of my wrong doings so I can become immortal royalty with him in heaven.

Well I am going to bid you all a good night and a very Merry Christmas. Be safe in any travels and remember the reason for the season. God bless.

The holiday spirit of giving has set in for me today. I have a neighbor that is in and out of the hospital due to health issues. She is in for a week or two then comes home for a day or two just to have to go back for another week. I can not imagine what that is like. I know what its like to be in and out for at the most an over night but for a week on end like this . . .  its got to be hard. So what I did was I went to a local Wal-Mart and picked up a devotional book, a journal, pens & pencils along with some word search find typed puzzles to take with her the next time she has to be stuck in the hospital for a spell. She was at a doctors appointment when I dropped of the package, but she does know its at her house waiting for her for when she comes home. I just hope she likes it and she can find some comfort in the bag of goodies.

This weekend is jam packed of stuff. Tonight its get the house back in shape along with finish decorating the house and tree. The while I was out I got supplies for making snow globes for Christmas gifts for the family to do and put together on Sunday afternoon. Jim is on call this weekend and we are being hit with some really cold weather and him and his company that he works for is getting slammed with calls of no heat or heater is not working very well.

Well time to hit the tree and tackle a bit at mount laundry too. I declare this to be a wonderful weekend!!

Thank you to those of you that have been sending me well wishes and prayers, for they are helping! Since my last post I've been having good days. PRAISE GOD!!

Yesterday we spend Thanksgiving at my Moms with my bro and his girl friend and it was fun. Tomorrow we are having my mother in law and her hubby here for some turkey. I got just about everything done. The house is just about presentable, deserts are done and cooling, the turkey is in a tub of cold water to thaw, and laundry is going. We are going to start decorating for Christmas tomorrow and Sunday . . . can not wait!!

I am just about done Christmas shopping and I got my first order in from stuff I ordered on line in today and I wanted to skip cleaning and cooking and get right to wrapping the Christmas gifts we have gotten so far. But instead I now have to clean a kitchen, finish laundry and clean up the living room. Good times and I know I can do this tonight.!!

Well good night and take care and God bless.

The last 2 to 3 days have been full of ups and downs. Yesterday was the best day I've had in a what seems to be like a very long day. I got my hair done and I called Jim as I was leaving and was laughing. He told me it was nice to hear me laughing again. I had no idea that I lost my laugh, that I was so blue and lost in trying to breath that I lost my laugh. It was nice to see him smile again. I know all this blueness I've had has really taken a toll on him. I did notice today that not only did I regain my laugh but I've noticed that I slowly getting my spark/fire/passion for God back again.

I know that I still have a very long way to go and that I will still have days of blue but I know that with all that has happened the past 2 days or so there is hope for me yet. I even noticed that the kids are smiling and happy again.

Thank you for your prayers. Thank you and God bless.

Oh lastly, we are going to the Ronald McDonald House tomorrow to deliver our goodies to the kids there at Edwards Hospital.